


Mistress Of Her Heart

by etoilecourageuse



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: F/M, Family, Love, Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-11
Updated: 2015-07-11
Packaged: 2018-04-08 20:18:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4318554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etoilecourageuse/pseuds/etoilecourageuse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emily Gilmore has never been the type for love, and yet she finds that she lost her heart no less than three times throughout the course of her life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mistress Of Her Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [juiceboxhero](https://archiveofourown.org/users/juiceboxhero/gifts).



It had never been particularly easy for Emily Gilmore to fall in love; in fact, she didn’t _do_ love, as she had always looked down (and still did, at times) on the girls who appeared to have made it their only purpose to seek and find a man to whom after a certain amount of time they would become a faithful wife, only to then live a quiet, as peaceful as dreary, life until the end of all days. 

It was expected of a young woman to find a suitable husband, Emily heard her elders whisper at times, and would merely laugh at these words, shaking her head at the folly of those years long past. No… No, she was meant for more, for greater things… 

And yet… Yet, throughout the course of her life, she had counted no less than three times in which she, too, had fallen in love. 

Richard had been an accident. He had been no more but a casual acquaintance Emily had met at a party in Yale and of course she had not meant to fall victim to the tall, handsome man’s charms – whose numerous attempts to conquer her heart had admittedly been quite flattering – as she had sworn herself to fully focus on her studies in History, and her willpower had been astonishing… But seeing him with Pennilyn Lott (who had always been a thorn in her side) had awakened a burning ambition inside of her, an ambition she had never before known, so different to anything else… 

The awareness that she had been the one to emerge victorious from this silent war had been Emily’s personal triumph, would be until this present day, and still she smiled, thinking back at these times so full of youthful naivety… It was not until years later when she allowed herself to admit at last that indeed Richard Gilmore had conquered her heart from the first moment she laid eyes upon him. 

Perhaps it was not a bad thing after all, to love, to _fall_ in love… Perhaps over all those years she had been mistaken (which, of course, she would never confess to as it was difficult enough to keep up her reputation of _never_ being mistaken), perhaps… 

There had never been a moment of regret (which was something to be beyond glad about, as regret was nearly as foolish as love), never a moment where she had not savoured his affection and come to adore him even more, merely by looking at him… How lucky she had been, Emily thought at times, and then laughed quietly, shaking her head at her folly. 

After acknowledging at last that she, too, had been a victim of Cupid’s dart, Emily believed to be familiar with the process, believed to brace herself and regain her strength, yet when merely four years after the wedding she fell in love once more it appeared so different to the first time. It felt as though she were going to burst with adoration, with joy and pride when the little girl was placed into her arms, when for the first time she looked into her daughter’s eyes, so wide and so beautiful, and once more realised that she was no longer mistress of her own heart, perhaps had never been. 

In times of university, Emily had had never envied her friends whose tales of their newly-founded families had fatigued rather than excited her, had scarcely contributed to their conversations and lost herself within dreams of her own future, not realising that she, too, would find happiness in love, that so soon she would become one of them… But she hadn’t, hadn’t become like her friends, as she was so different, always different, even in her way of loving. 

How could she have known that it was so difficult to love? How could she have known that this, too, was something required to learn, how could she have known that it would cause such joy and such agony all at once? 

It had always been a pleasure to watch her daughter grow up, to be a constant part of her life, to be her rock… Hadn’t she only desired to protect her, to know her happy? Hadn’t everything she had done been for her, her sweet little girl? But the older Lorelai had grown the more difficult it all had become, the more she had distanced herself from… 

Still it was painful to remember the constant fights and all those angry tears, still it would tear her apart to think of the countless accusations of lovelessness… Lovelessness. Mere years before, Emily would have laughed at such foolish words, would have shaken her head and forgotten… But seeing the sincerity within her daughter’s eyes as she spoke took her breath away. 

What a fool she, too, had been, to believe that only distance would be capable of solving these problems, what a fool she had been not to trust Lorelai… And how she had cursed her emotions, her endless love for her family that hurt her so beyond belief, making silent vows that never again she would allow herself to love, as the pain would only fade if she were to harden her heart. 

If only she had seen… If only she had seen that once more she was so mistaken, that once more she would lose herself in nothing but pure love, nothing but pure adoration… Only when once again Emily found herself holding a child within her arms, only when once again she lost herself in a gaze that was so similar to Lorelai’s she surrendered, fully, truly surrendered to her emotions, her tears, surrendered to love. 

That she had once dreamed of a life without love, a life alone, without a family… It seemed incredible to her, like a nightmare that had long passed yet would at times haunt her still. How could she imagine a life without her family, without her Richard, her Lorelai, her Rory? How could she possibly imagine a life without love? No matter what were to happen, no matter what the future were to bring, she would always adore them more than anything else in this world, would always attempt to protect them and gladly endure any pain. No matter what the future were to bring, Emily Gilmore would never again close her heart to love.


End file.
